“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.” Yehuda Berg
Did you get or receive flowers for Valentine’s Day? Was it as special as you and your partner are to each other? Or was it a romantic gesture that does not reflect your relationship the rest of the time? Did you get candy for Valentine’s day? Was it as sweet as your partner is to you? Or a romantic gesture that does not reflect your relationship the rest of the time? Was it just a Hallmark holiday, something you’re supposed to do? Or a reminder that this is something you want to do? Like to do?
Imago therapy is a wonderful way to re-connect, and we specialize in it here. Both Alexandra and myself, Maggie, are Certified Imago therapists who work with individual couples.But Imago weekend workshops are also a wonderful way to experience this therapy in a group. It’s a condensed, information packed weekend. You get to learn the theory and work on your relationship in the group, as well as in private.
“We just can’t communicate anymore! He doesn’t understand me!” The answer to this problem is simple, really. You need to learn how to hear your partner, so that your partner will do the same for you. This, of course, is critical to a committed relationship. It means first putting your feelings aside and listening with your brain, not your heart. The heart/feelings part comes later, when you understand each other.
When my mother lost her father it was sad, but not unexpected. He was 80 years old, had had that lingering kind of cancer that old men often get, and there was plenty of time to prepare for his death. Not that any of us ever acknowledged his demise or named the dread disease he lived with for so long. Until the day he died he spoke of getting well, would not reveal his feelings or let us tell him ours, and we all aided and abetted his fantasy.
Many relationships hit a low point, a really low point, where sincere apology and forgiveness are required if the relationship is to go on. Not just saying the words – but meaning them. This is extremely painful and difficult because I am talking about major ruptures between the couple like affairs, addictions, lies, abuse or even the less obvious but non-the-less lethal long term estrangement which has finally hit an icy rock bottom….
How do you know when it’s time to have a baby? As a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, I frequently hear that question from my couples. The answer is much simpler than you might expect. The answer to the question is… a question. (Don’t you just hate when therapists do that? Sorry. But this is so important.)
